"FEED ME SEYMOUR" (WHICH FERTILISER TO USE)

Words by Jessica Peace

It’s getting warmer, there’s pairs of shorts appearing on the streets - time to get fertilising. Here’s a little science lesson so you can get bushy and bulging without any burn…

Organic, homemade, “found it in the shed” or whatever, you’re looking at Nitrogen (N); Phosphorus (P); and Potassium (K) - called ‘NPK’ in the biz.

NPK: THE DEETS

‘N’ is for anything leafy and green: non-flowering plants and shit lawns. DO NOT toss it on flowering or fruiting plants, you’ll lose the goods.

‘P’ is for weaklings. Think of P like those milkshakes buff people cane at the gym.

‘K’ is for fruit and flower. If you’re gagging for flower or slapping your aubergine down at the church fete, this is what you want.

Be the Seymour your plant needs you to be.