So you're a millennial with a buzzing instagram account of lush and leafy greenness and can be often found in the pub beer garden surrounding by towering trees, but when it comes to having your own garden you're sadly lacking (you will have that deposit for the Victorian Basement Flat with shared cement block for you and 6 others when you have finished saving for a deposit in 15 years time). In the meantime you can stop blagging your green life stealing other people's plant power by sorting your own flat/house/studio and properly gardening with no garden. Here's how:


Each room in your gaff has its own climate so this is a perfect place to start when embarking on your plant journey and buying what is best for each room. If you already have some plant pals who are feeling sad go back to their roots and put your little green friends in a spot most like their old home.

THE BATHROOM – think Rainforest/ Subtropics - it gets warm and misty in there - especially like us if you like a good soak in a hot tub

Who grows in a gaff like this?

BEGINNER GARDENER: Spider Plant, Kentia Palm

BRAVER GARDENER: Orchid, Carnivorous Plants

WINDOW SILL [INSIDE] – think Dessert/ Club Med – that windowsill can get daaaammmmnnnn hot.

Who grows in a gaff like this?

BEGINNER GARDENER: Cacti, String of Hearts

BRAVER GARDENER: String of Pearls... try making this space into your mini greenhouse and grow your seeds here.

LET’S GO OUTSIDE - Container gardening – fill your boots! You’ll be surprised what you can squeeze into a pot:

WINDOW BOX/ WINDOWSILL [OUTSIDE] – it’s not as tough as it looks out there for your plant pals as they will often have shelter from the harsher conditions nestled in the nook of your window sill

Who grows in a gaff like this?


BRAVER GARDENER: Dwarf Conifers, Ornamental Cabbage, Courgettes

DOORSTEP – as long as you don’t have salubrious neighbours looking for a bit of greenery themselves and prone to a light fingered nature, the doorstep can be a lovely little place to green up and bring joy to your eyes every time you arrive home (plus as you are bound to see them day in day out, you will be more inclined to give them the love and attention that they need and more likely to notice when they are not looking happy.

Who grows in a gaff like this?

BEGINNER GARDENER: Bay Tree – and you can practice your topiary skills.

BRAVER GARDENER: Got space for a sack? Grow some spuds.

BALCONY – because every balcony deserves to be transformed into a glorious green space and if you don’t have a garden you are bound to be spending your time out there on all those balmy summer nights. 

Who grows in a gaff like this?

BEGINNER GARDENER: Trailing Nasturtiums

BRAVER GARDENER: Grow some climbers; edible – Peas, Beans etc. Or ornamental – try ‘bee friendly’ flowers, you’ll be surprised how high insects and garden birds will reach.

UP THE WALL – there are plenty of plants that really enjoy a horizontal life and some of them just seem to aim higher and higher. Plant them, sit back and watch them grow!

Who grows in a gaff like this?

BEGINNER GARDENER: [INSIDE] Devil’s Ivy – just watch out, devil is in the name for a reason – it can get out of control and take over your life!

BRAVER GARDENER: [OUTSIDE] try vertical gardening or ‘green walls’. If you need to do it on the cheap grab a discarded palate or old book shelves, secure and slot your plants in.

TERRARIUM - You can buy all sorts of Crystal Maze shapes now – or you can DIY with a fish bowl. Keep it open for dessert conditions OR closed for the rainforest.


Who grows in a gaff like this?





BRAVER: Fittonia

(you can purchase your own Terrairium kit from us HERE - genius)

UP IN THE AIR - Air plants – no soil necessary. For the creative – and the lazy!

For the complete ‘House Rules’ on greening up your gaff – and growing your air plant out of a dinosaur, have a flick through my book.


(although I do have a garden, look how it grows below ;)



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